Citation for....I don't know, my brain just exploded.

Oh yeah. This actually happened. In Australia. Buck Naked. Modesty-G-Strings. Pasties. Ass Decals. Tattoos. Children. Dancing.

It's okay to be embarrassed, Dad. Your daughter's tits and ass are on display for you. It's really not right.

Yep, I would be laughing too.

My question for you is...why shoes? I guess they do make your legs look better.

PLEASE don't bring your child into this! PLEASE PEOPLE.

How does one attach a boutonniere to a bare chest? Maybe with the pastie adhesive?

AND THERE WAS A DANCE!

This is not an attractive shot.

Are they doing the awesome last dance from Dirty Dancing?

NO. NO. NO.
You could at least wait until you got to your room.

Citation for Not Keeping the Coochie Under Wraps

Um, girl, I can see your lady bits. Like, really see them. And maybe a little bit of your other thing too.

Citation for a Greasy Ass Wedding

If you've never seen last year's Waffle House wedding from Atlanta, well then, you are welcome.

Here is our lovely bride, getting all gussied up by her bridesmaid?/mom?/friend?/chain-smoking ex-con?

Our handsome groom, see y'all, he had to work that day, so they just said, what the hell? We'll get married in the parking lot. His momma and her backwards sunglasses and National Geographic titties must be so proud.

Anybody there?

Here comes the bride...right out the garbage door of the Waffle House.

Awww...look, the overflow seating is milk crates! Redneck ingenuity! The least that they could have done was have the parking lot lines parallel with the aisle...jeez...amateurs.

At least the groom took his hat off.

Mmmmm...a wedding dress that smells like Waffle House grease. And I thought my dress needed dry-cleaning.

Yes, that is toilet paper on the table.

'Til death or Huddle House do we part.

Jesus.

"Bye cousin Crystal, I gotta go, my momma and her tittie-tattoo are waitin' on me."






For those of you who speak redneck, they needed to define "married."

Citation for Improper Use of Assless Chaps

I love a good biker wedding, but what really makes my day is a good SLUTTY biker wedding.

For instance...hmmm, I have a good idea, let's have her straddle the bike for her portrait!

You know, ass cleavage is not ideal for most weddings, but hey, to each, his own.

You know the old joke..."Ooo, girl, is your coochie hungry? 'Cause it's eating your pants!" That comes to mind here.

But these two really hold a special place in my heart. I really don't think I would want my hoo-ha that close to a hot motorcyle with only a small piece of floss there to protect it.

God Bless America and Our Weddin'

"Hey girl, I've got a great idea! Let's get married on the 4th of July! Everybody's done got off work that day!"

"Okay Earl, that sounds great. We will get you a white tuxedo with tails of course, because what is more perfect for a daytime wedding in July?!"

"Let's also get Wal-Mart to make the cake and we can get that cute little topper with the bride draggin' off the groom. I love that thang."

"Yeah and make sure that they stick some red, white, and blue foil fireworks in the top of it to make it more festive, you know?"

"I'll get my groomsmen to wear all blue ties and khaki pants and we'll fix us up an arch in the backyard with some Christmas lights, some of them there sheets from the bed, and we can get some flowers free at the cemetery."

"Oh Earl, I love that idea. My bridesmaids can wear those cute dresses from Fred that I saw last week and we can put the flowers on our TV trays from the trailer! It'll be so perfect"

"And don't forget to tell yer brother to bring his rebel flag and his baby, okay?"

And, there's more!

Look, there is a THIRD abomination of the flag! Remember the first two here?

Well, I found actual people wearing them. So there!

It look like Betsy Ross puked on her .

Citation for Overuse of Cod Pieces.

Oh my God, this really never gets old, does it? I think the spats are a special touch, don't you? And how in the hell did they get the pastor to participate? Should the pastor really have to be Darth? Seems inappropriate. Nahhh...

This is a spectacular idea! Let's take a picture of the storm troopers pointing weapons at the children! Hardy-har-har...someone call the CPS please.

A Yoda ice sculpture? You know this ice carver was cussing them!

Why is the left groomsmen's cod piece distracting me?

These storm trooper costumes are kind of half-assed, don't you think?

Truly Awful Cakes

I really want to give this cake to my neighbor, that is...if he ever gets around to actually weeding his yard.

Cake + Fish = Disgusting.

My eyes are on FIRE!

I will say it again... Cake + Fish = Disgusting.

Why do the peeps need to be glued onto bodies? That makes me uncomfortable.